First Night Home

Clark is kept in restraints when I am not in the room, he is becoming agitated and he keeps trying to pull his arterial line and peg tube out. The restraint on his left wrist has rubbed his skin off, so I try to stay with him as much as possible to hold his left hand down when he goes for the tubes. He still hasn't opened his eyes, but he is moving his left side. The oxygen tube tickles his nose, which causes him to reach up to pull it out constantly. So, I have taken up the duty of nose scratching. You wouldn't think such a small thing could be so satisfying, but not only does Clark get relief from an annoying itch, but I feel good that I can do something to help him. My other effort that is equally for both our benefits, is I try to stimulate him by giving him a sponge baths and massages.
One day I was exercising his arm and was talking to him about everything and nothing, when I saw a tear run down his cheek and then another. I leaned over and said "Clark can you hear me, open your eyes, come on honey you can do it". A few more tears ran down his cheek and then stopped. I believe he is trying, he is working very hard to come back. I make sure no one talks negative about his recovery in earshot of Clark.
I believe he hears us and negative talk might scare him, or hurt his recovery.

I decide to come home for a night, I have bills I need to pay and my mother is insistent (in a good, helpful way) that I need to take care of things. I wasn't prepared for my reaction pulling into the driveway. I felt the lump in my throat and the tears pushing towards the surface. I tried hard to fight them back, but as I got out of the car, the rush of emotion was overwhelming. I realized how empty my life would be without Clark, I stood with my forehead on the car, crying and praying to God. It was very hard to go into the house, but of course I did. I completed what I came home for and decided that before getting into bed, I would call ICU to see how Clark was and found out he was very agitated and they couldn't keep him calmed down. So, I rushed back to the hospital. That was a hard night, I wondered what he was feeling, what did he know, was he in pain, was he was afraid and couldn't tell me. I did the only things I could to help him; I pulled up my chair as close as I could to his bed, removed his restraint, took his hand in mine, laid back and talked to him.
Finally, he relaxed and his breathing evened out. I love him so much....


**The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.** Psalm 121:7,8